So I’m back. Sorry. I know this is borderline toxic behavior because I just go back here to dump out all the heaviness in my heart.
But it is what it is. This place is therapy for my brokenness.
Catharsis. That’s what I’m still looking for. And spilling my guts on a random corner of the internet is my catharsis.
Like everyone in a bad relationship, I can’t tell you if I’m going to stay. Maybe I need to be here for a short time only. Maybe longer.
All I know is my soul is shattered. And this is where I need to be.
Ang Huling Hugotero 
C’mon, Man! Aren’t you tired of being sick in the head and the heart?
I came to the point of hating the condition and wanting so bad to be whole again. My solution was “surgery.” I cut off toxic people from my life, fed mysell well, took hot showers before bedtime, read every appealing self-help book, inhaled lavender essence to help further with the ZZZs.
I have a small lavender field (my Provence) with 24 plants in full bloom. I can send you sachets of dried blossoms via LBC Air Cargo pouch. If you like.
You have resources for travel. Come to Northern CA. We can picnic in Napa’s wine country. My BF has a 39-ft boat; we can sail on some of San Francisco ‘s five bays, lunch on board. And many other curative activities,
You need to get well. Life is short.
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I probably should Perla. I was doing so well for two years already.
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Do plan on flying trans-Pacific whenever conditions permit.
The book “It’s Easier Than You Think” by Boorstein is a short course on Buddhism. My greatest take on it is that nothing is permanent. Accepting that will lessen the pain of facing the sunset in a relationship… and everything else in life.
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Welcome back! It’s good to see you around after two years haha! No need to apologize, kahit ako rin dumaan sa ganiyan – mas malala pa nga at times.
Ang mahalaga ngayon, nadi-direct mo yung energy mo into a productive pursuit – and naisasantabi mo rin yung mabigat na pakiramdam mo. Hoping to see more of your writings, now that you’ve returned. 🙂
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