So Pilate said to him, “Then you are a king?”
Jesus answered, “You say I am a king.
For this I was born and for this I came into the world,
to testify to the truth.
Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.”
I stutter. Most of the time I grasp at the words I want to say and interminable pauses dominate my speech. Holding a normal conversation with me is a chore and I have had people politely ignore me and move on to a more intelligible person.
I have another confession to make. I suffer greatly from stage fright. Everytime I go up in front of a lot of people, my heart is pounding and my internal monologue is telling me not to fall down and not to muck up my words. Sometimes my head is playing Eminem’s Lose Yourself just to mess with me. I am far more comfortable expressing myself in writing more than anything else.
Twelve years ago I somehow got shanghaid into becoming a lector, I read God’s word at mass. For a good one third of my life, I have been serving the Church and I can say that it’s a big part of my life. I’ve been going up and down to and from the ambo with my self confidence shot to hell and constantly afraid of making mistakes.
Yet, when I am there, I speak clearly. My voice does not quiver. There is no trepidation in my voice. Up there, on the ambo, reading God’s word, I find a strength that I cannot understand. My speech becomes powerful and moving.
You all know that I am a broken person. I have chronicled my struggles with my emotional and mental state here in this blog. Yet God chooses someone like me to spread His Word.
Today, the Catholic Church celebrates the Feast of Christ the King. Today, we recognize that Jesus Christ is King. A king is often measured by his knights. Usually, a king is surrounded by the bravest and most skilled soldiers. However, God chooses His knights from an entirely different stock. He chooses the weakest, the broken among us, and He transforms them into the best that we can be. Though we are unworthy, God makes us His tools. There is no further proof we need of Jesus’ kingship and majesty.
A Happy Sunday to everyone!
This is my second contribution to Jacqueline’s quote challenge.