A fraud. This is what I feel like right now. I feel like I have been fooling people for the longest time and now I am being found out for what I really am. The false face is falling. The mask is chipping apart and it is revealing who I really am.
My day starts out simple enough. I wake up. I lay in bed and my mind is panicking. After a few minutes of trying to calm down, I rush to the sink and I dry retch. The urge to vomit is strong but nothing ever comes out.
Then I shower. I shave the stubble that accumulated the previous day and I wipe away all traces of the haunted person I had become. I put on my tie and at the same time, I put on the fake smile I wear the whole day.
I go to work and I try to get through the day without another panic attack. I am supposed to be a leader but my people know better than me. A case of the blind leading those who can see.
The mask I wear is beginning to show the damage from the abuse I heap upon it. The illusion is fading. The lies I tell are catching up to me. I am afraid of the day when that facade I built finally crumbles and the real me is revealed. When that day comes, the world will find me, weak, a frail facsimile of the person everyone thinks I am. Then I will shrink back and hide from the world’s light and I will find a home in the darkness.