Someone asked me once, how can I write like this? Where is all of this coming from? What’s the deal with all the sadness and all the grim sorrow in everything I create?
Let me tell you right now. I am not some lonely shut in living in a mountain somewhere, although the idea is attractive to me. I eschew the notion that to write about sadness and pain, you have to live a life of pain. The irony is that I’m actually living a somewhat happy life. I would readily admit that it’s not perfect but nothing is. However, let me tell you that the pain is real. The rawness and the emotion are things that are very present in my life and a lot of the things I write are drawn from experience. I just choose to partition these emotions and my writing is my outlet for the things I hide. Like I said before, I seek catharsis, a purging of the emotions that I hide from the world. In this way, I prevent myself from exploding from all the internal pressure that builds up every morning when I wake up.
If you knew me personally, you would probably be shocked that I write this way. The need for secrecy is there because a part of me does not want to reveal this side of myself to the world and I also do not want my real life to enter here. Thus, apologies in advance if I never truly reveal myself. Someday, maybe I would marry these two worlds which I live in, but the operative term here is maybe.
This duality of my nature does not bother me. There is a certain sense of duplicity to all of this, but we all have lies that we have to live with. I also do not consider that the person I reveal here is the real me or the person that I am outside is also the real me. Rather, I would like to think that these are all facets of my true self. It’s just a choice of what we reveal to either audience.
What I’ve come to realize in the few days that I’ve been here is that pain and suffering is great fuel for a writer. The very real things that I’m experiencing right now has kept me writing voluminously. We are all creative beings and the act of creating gives us opportunities to fully realize ourselves. In a way, the pain I feel right now has made me become what I always knew I could be. I hope in the future that I could write about happy and bright things and I don’t doubt that it will happen. It’s just that this is what’s on my plate right now and I apologize if I just can’t bring myself to write about anything that approaches joy.
So if you’re reading this, here’s my invitation. Join me in my journey. I’ll join you in yours. Let’s all keep writing. Let’s use this exercise to uncover facets of ourselves and maybe, just maybe, we’ll create something beautiful out of this.